What to do when your satellite dish stops working

Sometimes when we’re trying to write an ad we might find that there is interference with the receiver. Now most of us were born with a satellite dish installed or else we would be at Vega or the AAA, in which case you’d only pick up a few local channels.

Our satellites are programmed to pick up ideas from the Idea Factory which is constantly churning out ideas and they just land at our feet and soak into the ground if our satellite isn’t aligned. Some days you’ll only pick up SABC 1 clearly and its days like this when there is no point in trying to make sense of the world, it’s better to just turn it off. You know the other channels are there but they’re all static, the Discovery channel seems like it’s beamed to a distant galaxy.

 Check to see that your decoder is plugged into both of the major outlets. The first outlet is yourself, if you have become unstuck then find a set of earphones and insert them into your ears to channel music; this needs to be above 145 bpm, now dance with your eyes closed for 23 minutes no matter where you are and knock over any unnecessary clutter that surrounds you. The aim of this manoeuvre is to surge the power and fuse all internal connectors.

The second outlet is your art director; they can become loose and blow around easily, especially in harsh winter conditions. If they have not completed step one then direct them through the procedure. Their plug point is normally found between the eyebrows but in some cases there won’t be one, this is when you’ll have to call the electrician to install one. Once installed you will be ready to lock horns in a rap session where you fire ideas at each other in gibberish and agree with everything each other says and draw pictures as you rap. Eventually you will find other channels start to appear from across the ethereal belt and into your receptors between your eyebrows which are played vocally through your loud-speaker. No editing takes place during this stage - the same way your radio speakers play whatever the radio feeds it whether it likes it or not. Eventually you will find a fusion between two satellite dishes that form a vortex and plugs directly into the Idea Factory. There are often power cuts during this period as the decoder may become overloaded with data but carry on until you find the Discovery Channel, once you do you can sit back and melt into the slipstream of creative genius.

Onlookers may start to talk among themselves about the massive growth spurt in your head region, they may even say: “His head is getting so big ever since he won that Loerie, it’s gonna pop and then we’ll have to clean up messy brains again.” But don’t fret, in order to get ahead in advertising you need to grow a massive head. The head swelling serves as a far better conductor and also knocks over any unnecessary clutter that surrounds you.